What are your three P's?

Lupus is a forever winding roller coaster. The ups, the downs, the stops and the turns, are inevitable. You know the saying "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." That's lupus. It has no basis for discrimination. Unfortunately, your entire being becomes subject to torment... mind, body and soul! I believe the only way I got past the news without going completely crazy is, what I call, the three P's.

First, prayer. The new Lupie is at greatest risk for mental and emotional breakdown, in their fragile state. The diagnosis of a chronic disease, that has no known cure known, alone, could send one into a state of emotional shock and deep depression. The news leaves most of us feeling confused and alone. We have no idea what to expect or how to proceed with our life, and we have a hard time getting adjusted to our new pain inflicted body. That is compounded

stress! I am sure we all know what that stress produces, flares! So the new Lupie has a huge task on their hands. It is called, managing stress.  Fortunately, when I received my diagnosis, I was already a strong believer. My belief in God, helped me put the diagnosis into perspective, because, I did not feel like the burden was mine to carry alone. I was able to mentally bypass this blow by, giving it to God. I taught myself to pray, through the pain and the depression. I continue to develop my relationship with God because, I can not handle lupus alone. Thankfully, while I am in a painful flare, God helps me by offering solace and peace. He is my friend in my hour of need. Although, God does not work like a "Miracle Pill," he gives me reason for hope.

Second, I had to practice doing things that benefit my body, such as; eating the right foods, exercising and managing my hectic medical appointment schedule. One thing that IS consistent in lupus, in my case, is the pain. One day, the pain may be mild, the next, oh so severe. One day my entire body is inflamed, the next, my hands are swollen and look like sausages or my feet feel like I am walking on lumps of spiky steel. Believe it or not, lupus flares can be managed by incorporating and eliminating, certain foods in your diet. In my experience, it's best to stick to a diet of whole foods and stay away from anything processed. Apple equals health, Little Debbie Oatmeal Pies equal flares. Although it's hard for most, exercise is an important part of managing lupus. The thing is, it is hard to exercise when you live in chronic pain. I have found that there are ways to modify exercises, so they won't cause overexertion and too much stress to your body. However, most importantly, keeping up with your medical appointments can be a job in itself when dealing with lupus. Primary physicians, specialist, optometrist, make up a huge portion of the mechanical wheel that we spin on. We should treat our appointments
like gold. Seriously, this is our life we are talking about. The monotony of the appointments may take some getting used to but, they are extremely important because they track our health. Lupus is so unpredictable. Our trips to the doctor are the best way to catch new problems that arise quickly. Honestly, just as everything else takes practice, managing lupus takes practice too.

Lastly, purpose. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. I hate the fact that I have lupus, but it has a purpose in my life. It may sound crazy, but that's the truth. Dig deep and try to find out what purpose lupus serves in your life. This will help you turn the negative of having lupus, into a positive. Maybe you can use your experiences with this disease to share your story and uplift others who are struggling. We all could use a friend who relates. 

So, even though there will be days you feel it is, having lupus is not the end of the world. We all can find w
ays to manage life with this incurable disease. Instead of the three P's, you may find you have three T's. Hey! As long as it works for you, that is all that matters. Try this, close your eyes and and accept lupus and all that comes with it. Now that you have done that, just know, there be always some type of pain; some days will be harder than others. Therefore, get ready Lupies! Put on your game face and fight!

Lupus was there...

You were not there when every single joint in my body was inflamed and my knees and feet were swelling up like balloons but, I was still attempting to climb the, what seemed at the moment, abnormally steep two flights of stairs to get to my classes. Those necessary classes, that I was too lethargic to sit through, in which, I received assignments that my state of “Lupus Fog” disabled me to focus on.

You were not there when I ended up being admitted to the hospital, and was only able to withdraw from one class in time, when I had a full load, and received all F’s in a row. All the while, the Doctors at the hospital picked and probed my body, yet, still could not find out what was going on with me. They ordered full body cat scans and a slew of blood tests that did not get them closer to an answer, as to, why I was so swollen, why was my body was malfunctioning and why were my kidneys failing?

You were not there when I was sent home with no resolution, when the sickness seemed to be over, and everything appeared to be getting back to normal. When I jumped back on the bandwagon and decided to take online classes because, maybe, being home would be a better option to deal with my constantly aching body and thick sausage like fingers (still inflamed). Unfortunately, in all of my optimism and persistence, I found myself, yet again, enclosed in hospital walls with the IV shooting fluids and steroids into my veins, upon blacking out in my car and pulling over to call an ambulance.  Kidney failure, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Malaria, were just a few of the Doctors possible diagnosis.

You know who was there through it all? Lupus was there, inflicting me, and hindering me… even my education.

“I am a single parent, I am on academic probation because I was hospitalized and was diagnosed with lupus,” I told the financial advisers. What can I do to get back in school? Do you know what they told me? It does not matter. It doesn't matter if you fell ill and blacked out and was admitted into the hospital. You will need to pay for 16 class of pocket before you can receive funds again. You will still be responsible for all of the classes that Lupus screwed up. You can not even receive a student loan. You can not pass go, you can not collect two hundred dollars, you can go straight to hell.

I am on disability; I can not afford to pay out of pocket for 16 classes! The only reason I did not break down in tears then was because my niece, who now attends Eastfield College, was with me.  They told me there is no way to appeal the decision, but “We are currently looking into this matter, we may have more clarity in the fall,” they said.  That was years ago…

I am a Changed Person... And that's ok:-)

I used to give in to situations because I actually felt guilty for having Lupus. I tried to keep up with life like I did before being diagnosed. That didn't work. I am grateful for receiving disability but, there was a time that I felt embarrassed to have to be on it. 

Thank God! I have learned to put all of those irrelevant feelings aside and do what is best for my health. I could care less about people looking at me and wondering if I really deserve to be receiving disability. They have no basis to judge me.   I just know that if they lived in my body for one day, they would understand.

Forgive me While I Rant

I receive disability due to lupus. Which stands for: I do not work because I live in chronic pain and this disease is affecting my organs. It takes me all day and most of my energy to do a fraction of what others do, and appear somewhat normal while doing it. Yay me(sarcasm)! With that said, why do people look at me as if I am a housewife(a healthy, able bodied individual who made a choice not to work and and raise a family? I don't know but, I know many off you can relate:-/

So, I volunteer for a wonderful organization that I am grateful to be a part of. Being a lead volunteer(with built in responsibility), I would like to think I help make somewhat of a difference. We had a meeting today. There were several projects that needed volunteers. I felt guilty about not offering my service, but, I know I could not take on any more than I already have. So, I opened my mouth and kindly told everybody how much I would love to take on more responsibility, however, lupus barely allows me to handle what I already have. I told them how stress causes flares and that I have to be careful not to bite off more than I can chew. I told them I was open to help, but not head up, a project. 

Unbelievably, no more than thirty minutes later, someone was asking me if I wanted to head up a freakin project. I was confused. Hadn't I just explained this? I was literally contemplating it and, just the thought was stressing me out. I couldn't believe I was asked. I had to put my foot down and say, no. 

Unfortunately, what may seem like a simple, small chore to others, could be the beginning of a lupies demise. I have a family to live for and this is my only body, and it's defective.  I must proactively protect it. I am not a lazy bum! I can not risk my life for the team. That is just how serious it is and could potentially be:-(

What Gives Me the Nerve!

 I try not to be naive, but, I guess I can't help myself sometimes. I honestly thought that my lovely world of social media friends, whom barely even comment on my posts, would come to my rescue and, help me reach my Gofundme goal to become a self published poet. Not to discount those whom actually did because, there were a few and I appreciate you!!!

I figured, I would post a few of my pieces for everybody to review, everyone would read them... Everyone would like them... and my awesomeness would bring a slew of donors rushing to my page. Whom, in turn, would eagerly respond by rapidly punching in their credit card information, to help out a friend in need. This was to happen, all within the first 48. I saw the scene play out vividly in my head. I'm surprised my vision didn't begin with a blinding marquee.

I saw people sharing my poems and pondering their favorite lines, while ordering their Caramel Macchiato. They were telling their other friends, about their friend that was diagnosed with lupus, an I curable autoimmune disease, and how she is still so passionate about her poetry dream that she writes until her swollen, sausage like fingers can't type anymore. After hearing that heart wrenching news, their friends would Gofundme and tell their friends, and their friends would tell their friends, and so on, an so forth. I had it all mapped out in my noggin.

However, 8 donors later, and all snapped back into reality, I am still waiting for "the people" to catch on to my big plan. Still climbing that highest mountain, and dreaming that dream! I think I can, I believe I can, I know I can do it! Fortunately, there is still time for you to make a donation:-) You can take part in changing my life.

What gives me the nerve!

http://www.gofundme.com/8n6p1w

Indeed A Woman

Indeed, I am a woman
My eyes tell the full story
From the small of my back
To the dip in my hips
To God be all the glory

Yea, I am woman
My heart flows as the depth of my mind
The slight southern drawl
that oozes from my voluptuous lips
seductive as red wine

Tis true, I am a woman
My demeanor angelically divine
I'm as fierce as the sun
And as soft as the moon
With Creation lingering
In the midst of my thighs

Indeed, I am woman
You're the ship
I am the anchor
While you sway to and fro
I am holding you down
Assuring you never flounder

LaQuanda Whitfield

Beautiful Spirit + Aching Body

I woke up this morning, feeling great! My pain levels were around a 3(which would send most to the medicine cabinet). Lower Back aches, shoulder aches and normal joint pain(all joints); but that, I'm accustom to. I am greatful for my body today. I lift it up in prayer. Things could be a lot worse. 

I made a cup of Jasmine infused Peach Tea, sat on the couch and felt a sense of renewal this morning. Accepting myself for all that I am. I can only be me so, I choose to make the best of it. Misery may love company, but I am not fond of misery. I refuse to give lupus all of me:-)