What Gives Me the Nerve!

 I try not to be naive, but, I guess I can't help myself sometimes. I honestly thought that my lovely world of social media friends, whom barely even comment on my posts, would come to my rescue and, help me reach my Gofundme goal to become a self published poet. Not to discount those whom actually did because, there were a few and I appreciate you!!!

I figured, I would post a few of my pieces for everybody to review, everyone would read them... Everyone would like them... and my awesomeness would bring a slew of donors rushing to my page. Whom, in turn, would eagerly respond by rapidly punching in their credit card information, to help out a friend in need. This was to happen, all within the first 48. I saw the scene play out vividly in my head. I'm surprised my vision didn't begin with a blinding marquee.

I saw people sharing my poems and pondering their favorite lines, while ordering their Caramel Macchiato. They were telling their other friends, about their friend that was diagnosed with lupus, an I curable autoimmune disease, and how she is still so passionate about her poetry dream that she writes until her swollen, sausage like fingers can't type anymore. After hearing that heart wrenching news, their friends would Gofundme and tell their friends, and their friends would tell their friends, and so on, an so forth. I had it all mapped out in my noggin.

However, 8 donors later, and all snapped back into reality, I am still waiting for "the people" to catch on to my big plan. Still climbing that highest mountain, and dreaming that dream! I think I can, I believe I can, I know I can do it! Fortunately, there is still time for you to make a donation:-) You can take part in changing my life.

What gives me the nerve!

http://www.gofundme.com/8n6p1w

Indeed A Woman

Indeed, I am a woman
My eyes tell the full story
From the small of my back
To the dip in my hips
To God be all the glory

Yea, I am woman
My heart flows as the depth of my mind
The slight southern drawl
that oozes from my voluptuous lips
seductive as red wine

Tis true, I am a woman
My demeanor angelically divine
I'm as fierce as the sun
And as soft as the moon
With Creation lingering
In the midst of my thighs

Indeed, I am woman
You're the ship
I am the anchor
While you sway to and fro
I am holding you down
Assuring you never flounder

LaQuanda Whitfield

Beautiful Spirit + Aching Body

I woke up this morning, feeling great! My pain levels were around a 3(which would send most to the medicine cabinet). Lower Back aches, shoulder aches and normal joint pain(all joints); but that, I'm accustom to. I am greatful for my body today. I lift it up in prayer. Things could be a lot worse. 

I made a cup of Jasmine infused Peach Tea, sat on the couch and felt a sense of renewal this morning. Accepting myself for all that I am. I can only be me so, I choose to make the best of it. Misery may love company, but I am not fond of misery. I refuse to give lupus all of me:-)

From one Morning to the Next!

 It seems like, from one day to the next, I woke up with an incurable diagnosis of lupus.  I went to sleep feeling healthy, and I woke up living with chronic fatigue and in chronic pain.  I went to sleep a career oriented woman, and woke up on government disability with a full time job of managing illness and doctors appointments. Honestly, I can barely remember what it feels like to not, have lupus.

Humm... I imagine this being my life, before lupus:

This is me, after lupus:

Feel better Lupies!!!

BVO is a toxic chemical that is banned in many countries because it competes with iodine for receptor sites in the body, which can lead to hypothyroidism, autoimmune disease, and cancer. The main ingredient, bromine, is a poisonous, corrosive chemical, linked to major organ system damage, birth defects, growth problems, schizophrenia, and hearing loss.

"There's flame retardant in your Mountain Dew. That soda with the lime-green hue (and other citrus-flavored bubbly pops) won't keep your insides fireproof, but it does contain brominated vegetable oil, a patented flame retardant for plastics that has been banned in foods throughout Europe and in Japan.

Brominated vegetable oil, or BVO, which acts as an emulsifier in citrus-flavored soda drinks, is found in about 10 percent of sodas sold in the U.S.

"After a few extreme soda binges — not too far from what many [video] gamers regularly consume — a few patients have needed medical attention for skin lesions, memory loss and nerve disorders, all symptoms of overexposure to bromine," according to a recent article in Environmental News.
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/food/warnings/bvo.asp#iGsDLrftTv4Z8RX8.99

The Beauty in Lupus

This photo inspires me! As many of you may know, the symbol chosen to represent lupus is the butterfly. The butterfly is a fragile creature. Each butterflies wings are unique in design. This photo pictures several butterflies, communing on a plant that appears to be, quite, dead. However, It is obvious upon further examination; that the plant must have pollen or nectar inside, that the butterflies are after. Therefore, the plant still harbors life. Life within itself, which is undetectable to the naked eye.

You may ask, "Why would this remind anyone of lupus?" I, in turn, answer. People that have lupus are as fragile, as the butterflies seen here. In reverse, we may appear beautiful and healthy on the outside, but on the inside, there is a constant war against our own body ensuing. In other words, our bodies are trying to kill us! As well, each case of lupus is as unique as butterfly wings. We all have our special, individually modulated cocktail of this incurable disease. Furthermore, while lupus may knock us down, we are not out for the count. Like the flowers that appear to be dead; we still have fight in us, despite lupus. Those that stick around, reap the benefits of the nectar of our Lupie souls.

My Identity / Lupus & Me

I don't know why but, today is different! 

I have never felt the need to associate a face with Lupus & Me. Actually, I consciously left my face off of this page because I wanted to be able to relate to all friends of purely based on the fact that I am an individual living withLupus. I did not want to be liked or disliked, consciously or subconsciously, because of race, sex, age or any physical aspect of my being. I have solely wanted to encourage and inspire hope in people like myself, and their families, whom are affected by Lupus day in and day out. I have love for everybody and pray for all of you daily:-) We are all working together for a common cause... A cure for lupus and strength to endure while we are waiting for it!

https://m.facebook.com/lupusnme

LaQuanda W.

Myself to Give

My body feels very loud today
It is crying out,
but I can't make the pain of Lupus go away
The sound drowns out everything else in my mind
I can't concentrate, for
the throbbing in my body has commenced to cease time
So tired, I can barely open my eyes
But I must, so, I can take the medication that I have grown to despise
But it's all I have to stop the inflammation 
Although, I can no longer fit any of my clothing 
and it's causing problems with my digestion
Thankfully, even when I lose I'm winning
Every morning I open my eyes,
life makes way for, yet, another new beginning 
That is why I choose to stay positive
Because if I consciously give my all to Lupus,
I would have no more of myself to give

Please me reach my goal! A donation of $25.00 or more secures a signed copy of my book. Although, a donation of any amount is greatly appreciated and will get me closer to my dream!

Click here to support Lupus is crushing my poetry dream by LaQuanda Whitfield

www.gofundme.com

My Scary day!

Today was such a scary day! It all started with heavy rain this morning. I'm talking, torrential downpour. It joked with my FB friends about how Texas was finally getting a Florida rain. The weather was clearing up around 2pm. Then, out of nowhere, it started raining cats and dogs again. I turned on the news and found out we were under a strict tornado watch. I prayed that the weather let up soon so, my child could get home safely.

It was 3:45 when I decided to drive to the end of street and wait for my son's bus to arrive. The bus was scheduled to come around 5:50ish I waited and waited, but no bus. I called the transportation department and, a voice mail picked up. I had no way to reach my child. My heart sank. He has one of those track phones and it has minutes on it; however, he did not carry it with him. Facebook was buzzing with parents wondering where their little ones were. Just as I was settling into my panic, I got a call from a number I did not know. I answered. It was Sean! I was ecstatic yet, concerned.

Sean told me that the bus stopped at an elementary school close by the house because of the Tornado warning. I asked if I needed to pick him up; he said, he didn't know. I asked when the bus was bringing them home; he said, he didn't know. I decided to head back to the house to see what the news was saying. They said that schools were waiting until 4:15 to determine what the next move would be. "This is serious," I thought. It seemed like waiting until 4:15 took two hours, and the rain was still coming down hard. The good thing is that the tornado warning was lifted, and busses were returning back to the road. 

At 4:15, I called the number that Sean had called me from. A little voice on the other end of the line told me that they were about to board the bus and go home. I was so happy that I was minutes from seeing my baby. I drove back to the bus stop and waited. I finally saw that big yellow bus bending the corner and, I almost jumped out of the car. I was so happy to see him! Thank God for bringing my kiddo home safely.

There is Still Hope for Love

 I am a single parent, almost 40, living with Lupus. I wouldn't call that three strikes, but with no potential candidate for love in sight, one has to wonder. Is there hope for love in this lifetime?  Am I willing to allow someone into my world? Is a loving husband too much to ask for?

Sometimes, I do not think it would be fair for me to find love. That may sound crazy but, imposing lupus on some innocent bystanders life is the last thing I would want to do. Furthermore, It would take a strong individual to deal with the complex and unpredictable nature of the disease. They would need to be patient and understanding of lupus and it's effects. In my mind, a companion that is ginuenly interested in researching and helping with preventative maintenance is a gem! I do not like to call people living with lupus needy, but when dealing with a flare, we have the potential to be just that, and a help mate would make life a lot easier.

Unfortunately, lupus is known to have a mind of its own. For instance, lupus does not care if it is your spouses birthday or your anniversary, a flare could come out of nowhere and change your plans, no matter how far in advance they were made. Patience and understanding are key characteristics in these instances. Another thing, many of the medications used to treat lupus have the tendency to cause weight gain, as well as, varying mood swings. Chronic pain also leads to depression in some cases. Having a mate that is capable of picking up on what is occurring and has patience to work through those hard times, will definitely help the relationship grow and  run smoothly. Now, I'm not saying this individual is not out there, but our paths have yet to cross.

As for me, it is going to take a very special individual to break down my Lupus barrier, but, I know it is possible. There is still hope for this Lupie. For those of you that have a good man, recognize him and make sure he knows he is appreciated.

Was that an Insenuation?

I had a doctor appointment last Wednesday. While taking my blood pressure, the intake nurse noticed a humongous bruise on arm and said, "Wow! How did that happen?" First, I gave her my "I have Lupus" disclaimer. In my mind, this is a way to let people know that with Lupus, anything is possible. Then, I proceeded to tell he the story of how, I was attempting to start my lawn mower when, rip! Something in my arm, I'm thinking tendon or cartiledge, tore.  I told her how the pain was so excruciating that I could barely speak; and how two days later, I looked at my arm and this gigantic bruise was covering it. She looked at me with a puzzled, I may or may not believe you, glare. Then she said, "Yeah, I get "beat up" in my home too. I'm always running into walls or something." "Beat up," I thought. I was also thinking, "you may need to be checked for vertigo." I replied, "This is one of the perks of being single." She informed me that, surprizingly, she was married. On that note, I knew that she has probably never even touched a lawn mower. She asked if I had seen a doctor for my arm. I said, no. Now, every Lupie knows that you don't run to the doctor for every bump and bruise you encounter! Lupies would be in the hospital 24-7!

Afterwards, replaying the conversation in my mind 20 times, I'm wondering if she was insenuating that I had been physically beaten. Humm??? What's your opinion?

My Niche

I was always trying to "Find Myself." What is my purpose in life? What is that thing that I love to do that is going to sustain me? I would always look outside of myself to try to find something greater to answer this question because, IT could not be that simple. IT could not be this thing that I do before I go to bed, when I wake up in the morning, and all through out the day; in an attempt to maintain my sanity. IT had to be something bigger. More challenging... Something that I had yet to grasp or put a finger on. IT had to be complicated. However, by the time I had IT all figured out, I had it wrapped around my finger...It, is me, on paper!

IT, is "Q in Verse."

Domestic Violence/ The Life of a Lupie

Domestic Violence
By LaQuanda Whitfield 

Lupus made me its lover
It is such the abusive type
Every time I want to go left
Lupus forces me to go right
When I make plans to chill with friends
Lupus says, "No, not tonight."
Lupus beat me up so badly that
You could tell, I lost the fight

Swollen hands and swollen knees
Bruises all over my arms and legs
The Doctor took one look at me,
"It's a wonder, you're not dead," Is what he said
Then he scratched his baffled head
And proceeded to up all of my meds
Sending me right back home to Lupus
Whom, was waiting by the bed

http://www.gofundme.com/8n6p1w